Self Care | Emotional Health — Sincerely Jaz

To be emotionally intelligent means to understand the powerful emotions of your and others and to handle it properly.

Peoplequotes.com

Welcome to the self-care series! Practicing self-care is one of the most underrated acts in human nature. 4 pillars make up self-care: mental health, emotional health, spiritual health, and physical health. All equally important to make for a well-balanced individual.

While the past few years have proven detrimental to society for various reasons, I also believe it has been helpful. Hear me out.

People are being forced to have open discussions on the state of the world. We all come with different perspectives, and that’s okay! In my humble opinion, I don’t mind listening to other people’s perspectives, as long as you don’t cross over to being blatantly disrespectful. I’m sure I don’t have to elaborate.

With this being the case, it has also opened people’s eyes to the neglect of their self-care. When was the last time you checked on your emotional state? Seriously.

Do you know how? I’ll be honest before I started the self-care journey, I had no idea what to do, but I knew I couldn’t keep going down the path I was headed.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

Ambrose Bierce

To determine if you need to improve your emotional IQ, you first need to assess where you are on the spectrum. Mind you, this is not something you need to broadcast to the entire world. If you can’t be honest with yourself, don’t expect others to be either. Read that again until it is engraved into your brain.

Time to be honest. Remember, this is your journey, not mine. If you find yourself speaking before you think and labeling yourself as a person “with no filter and keeping it real.” You have a low emotional IQ. Being upfront and being rude do not coincide.

Do you have a family member that loves to argue? Not trying to find a resolution or common ground when having a debate, but they love to genuinely argue to prove they are right. When you try to explain your point, they talk over you and point out things that have nothing to do with the topic at hand.

These people are called right fighters or Karens. We all know at least one person who fits the bill. They settle right into the low emotional IQ community.

Taking accountability for their actions? HA! You’re better off trying to get Beyonce to show you her bank account. Apologizing? Don’t give yourself a headache. People with low emotional IQs see this as a weakness. Why? Because they are never wrong.

If you are labeled as hostile and, insensitive ask yourself this. Do you have emotional outbursts? You may recognize it as anger. If so, do you know why? Is it because someone is always trying you, or because you felt triggered and need to put people in their place?

To you, this may make perfect sense, but I have news for you. The world does not revolve around you and your feelings! People tend to avoid or walk on eggshells around people that are constantly combative or insensitive.

By insensitive, I mean you expect others to feel for your situation, but when they need you, you barely have anything to say and are ready to move on to the next topic.

On the flip side, some are hyper-sensitive and show signs of having the victim mentality. Do you internalize everything someone says to you or about you? Not everyone’s opinion should affect you.

If someone asks how your day is going, what is your typical response? Fine, or do you immediately go into the negative aspects of your day?

What did JayZ say? “Wipe the dirt off your shoulder.” I must reiterate to the hyper-sensitive, the world does not revolve around you and your feelings.

Look back on your last few interactions with people, think about what was said to you and your responses. Were they positive or negative? Remember, be honest with yourself.

You may be wondering what the qualities are for emotionally intelligent individuals. Want some examples of emotional intelligence? I bet you can guess who I’m going to say. Beyonce, Adele, Denzel Washington, Bruce Lee, and Barack Obama.

Those who are unaware they are walking in the dark, will never see the light.

Bruce Lee

• Acknowledging all of their emotions at any given moment.
• Being able to empathize with others in every setting of their life.
• Mastered the art of self-control. No, this does not mean they void themselves of all human emotion. This would contradict bullet one. Nor does it mean they let people walk all over them.
• Have no problem handling themselves in any social setting. Even if you’re a fellow introvert.
• Able to openly have a debate without crossing the line to disrespect. They will listen to the opposite party and soak in what they’re saying before forming their next sentence.
• They know becoming upset is normal. Holding onto the anger and carrying it over to another conversation with another innocent party is unacceptable.
• Takes accountability for actions and accepts apologies.
• Knowing when to disengage
• Know when to ask for and accept help
• Have ambition and set goals

Take at least twenty minutes every day to be still and quiet. Think. Reflect. Decide how to be smarter, tougher, how to be more considerate of others and more sensitive and aware of your surroundings. Choose something you learned that will make you a better person.

Beyonce

Now that you know the difference between low and high emotional intelligence let’s dive into some activities that will help obtain the latter.

Journaling

Journaling can be done digitally or with pen and paper. Don’t overthink it. Start writing about your day. Jot down activities you’ve done or interactions you’ve had and how they made you feel. Why did they make you feel that way? Would you handle the situation differently? If so, how? Write the date at the top of the page to refer to look back on your growth.

All you need is 10 minutes before you start your day and 10 minutes before you go to bed.

Exercise

I know, I know. Some of you are probably going to skip right past this one. If you’re still with me, it doesn’t have to be anything insane. Go for a walk, enjoy nature. At the time of this post, it is still Summer; go for a swim or a hike.

Elevate your heart rate in a place where you are forced to deal with yourself and your emotions. 20 minutes a day is all you really need.

Face to Face Human Interactions

If you are feeling up to it, set up lunch dates with friends. Invite some positive people you trust over for dinner. It doesn’t have to be a date. Have pets? Sign up for some play dates in your local area. Attend cooking, dance, or art classes.

As humans, we are designed to need social interactions, so go partake in mood-lifting activities, preferably one’s that leave you feeling accomplished. I’m looking at you introverts.

Creating Vision/Mood Boards

Creating mood boards has helped me a lot. Not only creatively but emotionally. I am a self-described Pinterest nut. What I noticed is that I tend to search and like pins that are tailored to my mood.

So, I started creating digital mood boards. I put a minimum of 5 things on my board. If I notice my board is darker than I meant for it to be, it is time for some acknowledgment and a change. Here is my most recent.

Check-Ins

Check-ins appear to be simple, and they are if you are honest. You can go about this in a couple of different ways. The first is to look in the mirror every morning and every night and ask yourself, “How are you?” Watch your face, don’t overthink, and answer yourself honestly.

The second is to record yourself doing the same thing. Once you answer yourself in great detail, I want you to play it back. If what you see would cause you alarm if you saw a loved one looking the same way, you have work to do.

Unplug

I like social media as much as the next person, but if you notice it’s controlling your thoughts and emotions, close out of it. Delete the apps if you have to. You won’t lose your account. Try this for at least 24 hours. Take notice of how you feel. A great journal topic, by the way.

Sleep

Getting the recommended 8 hours of sleep every night is essential to our overall health. Without sleep, it has been proven your brain can start to play tricks on you. You need to be at the top of your game to look out for its tricks.

Positive Thinking

Remember, negative thoughts are not welcome. Can’t is no longer in your vocabulary. If you are a negative thinker that’s okay! We can change that! If you are around people who insight negative thoughts, disengage. Once you get yourself together and invite them back around, and old feelings arise it may be time to cut them out of your life.

It’s okay! You’re growing!

Look up some quotes that you connect with. Here is one to get you started.

There is hope, even when your brain tells you there isn’t.

John Green

Originally published at https://sincerelyjaz.com on August 20, 2021.